Become a Curious & Compassionate Observer of Yourself
When it comes to behavior change, especially with ADHD, the approach matters as much as the actions themselves. Many of us have tried tackling new habits with sheer willpower, only to burn out or find ourselves stuck in a cycle of shame when things don’t go as planned. But what if the key to lasting change isn’t about trying harder but about observing ourselves with curiosity and compassion?
The Power of Observation
Imagine you’re a scientist, and the subject of your study is… well, you. Your job isn’t to judge or fix anything immediately but simply to notice. How does your body feel when you eat certain foods? What patterns show up in your energy throughout the day? When do you feel most drawn to move your body, and when does rest feel more appropriate?
This kind of observation isn’t passive—it’s an active practice of tuning in and collecting data about your unique needs, preferences, and triggers. When you’re a curious observer, everything you notice is valuable information, not evidence of failure.
Curiosity Over Criticism
Instead of: “Why can’t I stick to my workout routine? I’m so lazy.”
Try: “Hmm, I notice I’m struggling with workouts in the evening. I wonder if my energy dips around that time. What if I tried morning movement instead?”
This shift from criticism to curiosity allows space for exploration and experimentation. ADHD brains thrive on novelty and creativity, and this approach creates room to try new things without the fear of getting it wrong.
Compassion: Your Secret Superpower
Curiosity alone is powerful, but pairing it with compassion is where the magic happens. Compassion is what allows us to look at our habits and choices without a harsh inner dialogue. It’s the voice that says, “You did the best you could with what you had today.”
When we approach our habits with compassion, we break the cycle of shame that so often keeps us stuck. Instead of spiraling into negative self-talk when things don’t go as planned, we can gently guide ourselves back on track.
How to Practice Being a Curious & Compassionate Observer
Set Intentions
Each morning, set a simple intention like, “Today, I’m going to notice what foods give me energy” or “I’ll pay attention to when I need breaks.”
Ask Open-Ended Questions
When you notice a habit or behavior, ask yourself questions that lead to deeper understanding:
What do I need right now?
What might this craving be trying to tell me?
How does my body feel when I do (or don’t) move today?
Jot Down Observations:
Keep a small notebook or use a notes app to capture these insights. Not only does writing help solidify what you learn, but it also gives you a tangible reminder of your growth over time.
Celebrate Tiny Wins:
Every observation, every moment of self-awareness, is a win. Did you notice that stress makes you snack more? Amazing—you’ve just uncovered a powerful insight. Recognize these wins, no matter how small they seem.
Be Gentle with Yourself:
If you catch yourself slipping into criticism, take a breath. Reframe the thought with compassion. Instead of “I messed up,” try “I learned something new about myself today.”
The Path to Sustainable Change
When you become a curious and compassionate observer of yourself, behavior change stops feeling like an uphill battle. Instead, it transforms into a journey of self-discovery—one where every step forward (and even the steps back) teaches you something valuable.
Your body and mind are constantly communicating with you. By listening with curiosity and responding with compassion, you’ll create sustainable habits that honor your unique needs and lead you toward a healthier, happier life.